


The Mighty Rod of Justice

by darktensh17



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Perversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darktensh17/pseuds/darktensh17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justice is a massive pervert and poor Anders has to deal with all of his kinky thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mighty Rod of Justice

Most of Anders companions understood that it was not easy for the mage to carry a spirit of Justice around inside you. Some sympathized, others called him an abomination, and everyone just lived with it. When Anders got a little irritated and glowy it was due to arguing with Justice. 

They were right of course, but often not for the reason that they thought. What his friends didn’t know was that Anders had to constantly keep Justice at bay because the spirit had become a huge pervert since merging with Anders. 

When they originally merged, Justice had tried to avoid going through Anders memories, as they became more comfortable with the situation and Anders had given Justice permission to do so, the spirit had begun to explore the memories. Up until that point Justice has been quite adamant about celibacy being required for them to achieve their objectives. 

Everything had gone well until Justice had gotten to some of Anders most intimate memories, particularly the ones involving other apprentices in the Circle and his time with the Grey Wardens. Justice spent all his free time for a long while going through these memories, often while Anders was asleep. That was probably why poor Anders found himself waking up with raging boners almost daily. 

That was fine and dandy, if not annoying, Anders figured that it was just a phase, eventually Justice would move on to the next set of memories and everything would go back to normal. 

He had never been so wrong about anything in his entire life, including that time he dressed up in drag and did the hula. 

The first time Justice made a sexual comment about one of there companions it took Anders completely by surprise. 

_It is not just that only the pirate can run her hands through the dwarf’s chest hair, we must rectify that and give him a pearl necklace as a reward._

Anders stopped on the spot not able to process what had just happened; it also took him a moment to realize exactly what Justice meant by a pearl necklace. He could feel his face twisting in a grimace. _Ew! Justice!_

“Something wrong Anders?” Hawke asked as he, Isabela, and Varric stared back at him. 

Fighting back a full body shudder, Anders shook his head quickly. “No, nothing! I just had a bit of a chill.”

“It looked more like you just stepped in something disgusting.” Varric said unhelpfully. “That was quite the face.”

Laughing Anders waved it off. “Well it was nothing important so let’s move along.

He tried to write the incident off as only a one time thing. Perhaps Justice was still working through the naughty stuff and hadn’t really been thinking of what he was saying, that just had to be it. It was a one time thing and he could forget all about it. 

That was probably why the second time it happened he was just as surprised as the first time. Luckily this time they weren’t on a mission, instead they were all sitting in The Hangedman playing card. The comment came after Isabela draped herself over Hawke to get a better look at the man’s hand.

_It is unjust that that Rivani's breasts hang in such a way. We should clear the unjustice and hold them for her!_

Anders nearly chocked on his drink and was left sputtering and coughing. He felt a small hand patting his back, likely Merrill who had been sitting next to him. 

“Are you alright Anders?”

“Fine, I’m alright.” Anders responded, waving her away. “I think I need to head back to the clinic, I’ve got a headache.”

_We should bring the Dalish mage with us, it is unjust that she has been taken advantage of by demons, it is time we show her what a real spirit can do._

The comment prompted Anders to hurry to his feet, waving a quick goodbye hurrying out of the building and back to his clinic. “What the hell Justice! What the ever loving darkspawn invested hell!”

Justice was silent for a moment. _Your memories have shown me that I have been incorrect in my assumption that celibacy is required, now I see that we must bring others to our side with all the methods that are available to us._

“I am not using sex as a bargaining chip.” Anders rubbed his forehead and began to pace the clinic. 

_It need not be a bargaining chip, the pleasures of the flesh can be a way to initiate a conversation in regards to mage rights. However such a conversation is not needed._

_Maker preserve me_. “I am not having sex with my companions for brownie points.” He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Justice.

There was a moment of silence from the spirit. _I am content with just coitus in order to receive pleasure_

Anders buried his face in his pillow and screamed in frustration. 

From that point he tried his best to just ignore Justice whenever the spirit made an inappropriate comment, the hope was that eventually the spirit would give up. 

Once again he was very wrong. 

One time while accompanying Hawke on a mission with Aveline. _The Guard Captain knows justice, it is only right that know me intimately as well._

Even worse was the time in the Chantry. _The only way that the Prince of Starkhaven will see the justice of our cause is if he is made to worship the mighty rod of justice on his knees._

And at Hawke’s mansion. _It is an injustice for Hawke to waste the skills of agility he has acquired, there is much that we can learn from him._

To each of these Anders had replied, with ‘Shut up Justice!’ but it seemed to have no effect on the spirits libido. The comments continued almost daily, there seemed to be only one person that Justice had not made a sexual comment about, which made Anders eternally grateful, of course that was until he found out why.

While Anders and Justice shared a body their thoughts were not always one. Anders had his own thoughts which Justice was usually privy to, and it was the same for Justice. The thing was that while Anders was asleep and wandering the Fade, Justice was awake and able to think of anything he wanted without worry about Anders learning about it. 

It wouldn’t have been a problem, except Justice’s fantasies began to leak into Anders dreams.

It started off innocently enough with the elf appearing more often in his dreams. Anders didn’t think anything of it in his waking hours, he often dreamed of his companions after all. When a very naked Fenris appeared spread before him during a dream about a particularly fun night in Denerim instead of the usual dark haired beauty, he began to suspect. 

Besides being a huge pervert, Justice had a thing for Fenris. This Anders did not need at all. 

To rectify this Anders made sure to avoid the elf at all times, and to keep as much to himself as possible. When he did go along with the group he was usually quiet, his mind full of Justice’s thoughts and inappropriate comments.

_The lyrium elf requires the proper hand to show him how just the cause of mages can be. We must bring him into are bed and turn his song of sadness into one of joy._

Anders ignored the Justice’s longing in his head. It had become so constant that he was almost able to drown it out most of the time. Unfortunately his dreams seemed to be dominated by sexual encounters with his friends, while such dreams weren’t entirely unpleasant, they did make things awkward.

_We must bring him home and lick him all over, then we will show him how it is to be treated well by a mage._

“We are not licking Fenris!” Anders hadn’t realized he had spoken out loud until everyone’s eyes were on him. He felt his face go red in embarrassment and then white with dread as he looked into the Fenris’ furious green eyes. “I uh. . .said that out loud didn’t I?”

Hawke clucked his tongue. “Is there something you need to tell us Anders?” 

Anders had two choices, he could run or he could admit that Justice was a huge pervert and they were all pray to his salacious thoughts. Running was definitely the first thought on his mind, but with the way Fenris was beginning to glow he doubted he would make it very far. “I uh. . .please don’t kill me?” 

“Unless you have a good reason that I should not, one that preferably does not involve licking me into docility, I see no reason to leave you alive.” Fenris growled, taking slow, stalking steps forward. 

If he weren’t scared for his life Anders likely would have been sporting an erection at the way Fenris was moving, stupid Justice. “Justice is a major pervert and he wants to bang everyone! It’s not me I swear! You’re all very lovely people and I would love to bang you but it’s Justice!” 

Aveline crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “That’s really not helping your case Anders.”

“Look, since we’ve merged Justice has been going through my memories and more recently he’s discovered the. . . ah, more entertaining ones shall we say. Since then he’s been making rather inappropriate sexual comments about everyone. I’m not letting him go through with any of it though.” 

While Fenris continued to look murderous and Aveline annoyed, Hawke looked rather interested. “Just what sort of things has he been saying? I assume it’s been more than just wanting to lick Fenris.” 

Anders shook his head quickly at that. “Oh no, I’m not digging myself into an even deeper hole.”

“Please enlighten us Anders, you’ve brought the subject to light, there’s no point in hiding it now.” The words came from Aveline of all people, taking Anders by surprise.  
Fenris merely glared at him, his eyes promising unimaginable deaths. 

“Let’s hear some of Justice’s perversions then, everyone is in agreement.” Hawke encouraged, gesturing for Anders to speak. “If you share them we can all laugh about it.”

Anders sighed, knowing this would end in his death. “If the Maker wants to strike me down now would be a good time.” Then before he lost his nerve he began to launch into some of Justice’s perverted comments much to his companions amusement, even Fenris cracked a bit of a smile at some of them. 

“Anders, Justice sounds like a twelve year old boy trying to get some booty; I really wouldn’t worry too much about what he says.” Hawke assured him. “And if it is an issue, I can buy you a night at the rose so that he can get it out of his system.”

Feeling a little better, Anders grinned at Hawke. “Thanks Hawke, I’ll try and keep from screaming out anymore of his perverted thoughts.” It may be annoying, but he could ignore Justice for the most part.

As they continued started back out, Justice’s voice suddenly rang out in his mind. _We are not a twelve year old child. Justice can only be done by introducing each of them to the mighty rod of Justice and showering them in the juices of righteousness._

Anders could only groan and pray that a trip to the Rose would indeed tame Justice’s obsession with his mighty rod. Either that or Anders was going to go insane.


End file.
